Google Jeff Dean is the Chuck Norris of our time

“Jeff Dean compiles and runs his code before committing, but only to check the compiler and CPU for bugs ,” is one of many comic facts about Jeff Dean .

Jeff Dean is considered to be something like Chuck Norris. The only difference is that he is not a militant hero at all, but a Google software engineer.

Jokes about him first appeared on April 1 six years ago. One of Dean's colleagues, Kenton Ward, opened a page where everyone could add facts about Jeff Dean. The idea was enthusiastically picked up by other developers - and soon filled the page with many such "facts."

“I never agreed with anyone,” says Kenton Warda, “I just did it because I thought it would be fun and people would like it.” This is how it goes on at Google. But my little joke and can not be close to the largest and funniest projects on the corporate network. "

“When Jeff Dean develops a program, he first creates a binary and then writes the source code as documentation.”

“Jeff Dean once failed the Turing test because he correctly set the 203rd Fibonacci number in less than a second.”

“Jeff Dean was born on December 31, 1969 at 23:48. It took him 12 minutes to start his first time counter. ”


Jeff Dean, even if he wants, will no longer be able to get rid of the image of Chuck Norris. However, such trifles are unlikely to concern him. One of Google’s leading programmers is considered a co-author of the company's key infrastructure systems, including MapReduce, BigTable, and Spanner.

Dean was hired by Google in 1999, when about 20 employees worked there. Even then, he was considered one of the most talented young scientists in the United States in the field of computer science, and for Google he was akin to winning the lottery. Every startup wants to get such a genius.

Back in school, Dean wrote a program for processing large amounts of epidemiological data, which, he said, was 26 times faster than any professional software in this field. Its later development Epi Info has become widely used in disease control centers, the program has now been translated into 13 languages.

In his student days, Jeff worked on compilers. He always liked to create programs that aimed at maximum performance. Optimization is his hobby.

“The speed of light in vacuum was about 55 km / h. Then Jeff Dean spent the weekend optimizing physics. "

Arriving at Google, Jeff worked a little on Google News and AdSense, and then drew attention to the main task that the company faced at that stage - scaling. Together with another outstanding programmer, Sanjay Ghemawat and other colleagues, they started creating software for processing large amounts of information in clusters. This is how the Mapreduce framework appeared , which very quickly became, in fact, the industry standard in its field.

Then there was the high-performance BigTable database based on Google File System and the phenomenal Spanner system. , a database that is globally distributed across many Google data centers on different continents - while ensuring data integrity and synchronization. Before the creation of Spanner, almost no one believed that such a thing could be done. Actually, at this stage, the work biography of Jeff Dean begins to resemble fictional facts from an April Fools' book, writes Slate. And it becomes clear why he became the candidate for the role of Chuck Norris.

“Jeff Dean uses neither Emacs nor Vi. He types code directly in zcat, because it’s faster. "

“When Richard Stallman found out that Dean’s autobiography will be released exclusively on Amazon, he bought a Kindle.”

"Unhappy with constant time, Jeff Dean created the world's first O (1 / n) algorithm."

“Once in 2002, when the search backend disconnected, Jeff Dean manually answered user questions for two hours. During this period, the quality of search results has increased significantly. ”

“Jeff Dean had to invent asynchronous APIs once when, after optimizing it, the function returned the value before it was called.”

“Jeff Dean’s programming speed increased 40 times at the end of 2000 when he upgraded the keyboard to USB 2.0.”

“Compilers do not warn Jeffy Dean. Jeff Dean warns compilers. ”

“Jeff Dean once wrote the O (n ^ 2) algorithm. This was necessary to solve the traveling salesman problem. ”

“Jeff Dean once raised a web server with one call to printf (). Other engineers added thousands of comment lines with explanations, but did not understand how it works. Today, the program works as the Google Search frontend. ”

“When Jeff Dean launches the profiler, all cycles in fear loops.”

"Jeff Dean is still waiting for the mathematicians to find the joke he hid in the digits of Pi."

“There are two keys on the Jeff Dean keyboard: 1 and 0.”

"The gcc -O4 team sends your code to Jeff Dean for a complete redesign."

“When Jeff can't fall asleep, he map-reduces the lambs.”

"When Jeff Dean wants to listen to mp3, he sends it to / dev / dsp and decrypts it in his head."

“When Graham Bell invented the phone, he saw a missed call from Jeff Dean.”

"Jeff Dean puts on his pants in turn on each leg, but if he had more than two legs, we would see that he needs O (log n)."

“At an interview on Google, Jeff was asked what would follow from the equality P = NP. He replied: "P = 0 or N = 1." Then, while the interviewee had not stopped laughing, Jeff looked at the Google public certificate and wrote out the private key on the board. ”